Lb's & Nt's - What?

Focus: Coaching Communication, Manager as Coach

Audio: 2 mins. 57 secs.

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LBs and NTs

Transcript - print now

Wc: 504                                                                                              

Welcome to another bite-size audio tip. Today, under manager’s effectiveness, we’re going to talk about one of my favorite techniques for giving feedback. It’s called LB’s and NT’s – that’s right - Like Best and Next Time. It’s a really cool way of being able to tell an employee something positive while coaching them at the same time.

By the way, I don’t particularly like the word criticism; I do like the word feedback. And when we’re dealing with and coaching employees, it really is all about process improvement versus right and wrong per se.

So here are some of the benefits to using the LB and NT feedback format. First of all, it reinforces the desired behavior. Do you know that every time you give someone feedback on their performance you are actually reinforcing what you’d like to see again? It’s behavior modification and that’s great.

Another thing it does is it really continues to nurture rapport. You know what that’s so important because when you are going to have those sit down talks that are really heavy and really have a lot to say, having pre-established positive rapport will really help that particular conversation go a whole lot better.

And then, finally, it teaches them how you think and what you value as a leader and really you can establish more trust once you coach them and they understand how you think and what you value. That means you have to manage them less and trust them more.

Now, for the employee, one of the benefits is they feel supported, they feel appreciated, and they feel led without feeling dominated and that’s really super-important, particularly for some personality types and even generational types as well.

So it’s a very simple technique you just say ‘like best’ and ‘next time’. So it might be something like this. Let’s say that JoAnn did a spreadsheet that was really useful and had everything pretty much the way you wanted it except it could have been designed to be a bit more scanable.

So your feedback might go something like this, “Hey JoAnn, I really liked the spreadsheet you that you set up. It was visually attractive, the columns were centered nicely - it really worked. Next time, how about we make it a bit more scanable - in that when you see it you can see all the information we want in these specific areas?” and you then go ahead and give the specific areas.

So you really gave feedback on the things that you did like, but also gave feedback on one element of improvement. Now, will that employee receive that a bit better couched in that way? I’m going to submit to you probably. And if that’s a regular part of your format of how you communicate then that would be useful.

And another value-added tip is make that a part of your team lingo. Teach your team members how to give feedback to each other so that you can build synergy.

Are You Skilled At Listening?

Focus:  Effective Communication, Managing Communication


Audio: 3 mins. 17 secs.
1. Double click arrow to LISTEN NOW:
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SKILLED AT LISTENING

Wc: 356
Transcript - print now  
Are you skilled at listening? If you can answer that question with, “Yes I listen much more than I talk during an important conversation.”…then I’d say you are. I would also say you are rare! As a reminder a skill is something one does very well. Most people have never taken the time to develop this essential life skill! To develop the skill of listening takes a decision, time and effort.

Do you know that the greatest psychological need anyone has is to be heard? Listening very much meets that psychological need if it is done well and combined with other effective communication techniques.

Listening is a very active activity, though I’m sure some would see it as passive. It takes effort to try and understand not necessarily what the person said, but what they meant.

Also it’s important to note that most misunderstandings are due to people assuming and adding meaning to what someone has said - that was not the intent of the other person.

This point is so important, I’m going to state it one more time. Most misunderstandings are due to people assuming and adding meaning to what someone has said - that was not the intent of the other person and then we respond or act on to that misunderstanding.

Listening is a  two-step activity, meaning you hear and then you ask for clarity. Please don’t assume that you know what people mean. Just assume you don’t and that will open up your mind to the real meaning, not your assumed meaning.

So here’s your power tip for becoming skilled at listening. Use the “Golden 6”. These are words that prompt the person communicating to add more information, so that you can gain a better understanding of what they mean.

Now, you are going to laugh when I tell you what my “Golden Six” are: very simply - Who, What, When, Where, How and Why?   You will be absolutely amazed at what greater understanding you will garner when you use these six power words when listening to someone communicate with you. Try it and see…you’ll be amazed!

Building Rapport via Targeted Feedback

Focus: Managing Communication, Communication Success 

Audio Lesson - Duration: 1min. 30 secs.

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Building Rapport via Targeted Feedback

Transcript - print now 
Wc: 208

Read time: less than 1 min.

         

Here’s another easy and quick communication power tip. Did you know that the greatest psychological need that anyone has is to be heard? That’s right - and here’s an easy way to make that happen when you’re in a conversation with someone. It is a technique of repeating back to them what you heard in these two targeted contexts.

Usually when someone is speaking with you they are either communicating what they think or what they feel and it’s really important to be in rapport - or as we say - communicate in the same modality they are when we’re seeking clarity and confirmation.

So, if someone is expressing how they feel, you respond with, “Oh, so you feel” and then fill in the blank with what they just said. Or, if they’re communicating what they think, you would say “Oh, so you think” and then fill in the blank.

Just that simple, easy technique of repeating back in the same modality of think or feel will go a long way in enhancing your rapport. The rapport is cultivated when you get on the same "wave length" as them and that's what being in their same modality does.                                                                        

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Verbal Judo - Collaborative Communication

Focus: Effective Communication, Communication Success

Audio duration: 3mins. 8 sec.
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Verbal Judo
Transcript - print now
Wc: 467

Hi! And welcome to another bite-size audio lesson. Our topic today?...Verbal Judo.

You know, I took judo as a kid and I liked it. One of the things I learned in taking judo is that you can actually use the negative energy of someone and turn it around to your advantage. I like that…I like the thought of not resisting but moving with someone to change that outcome. That’s a beautiful thing.

That same concept can be used in communication as well and that’s called verbal judo. Here’s what I mean. I had a friend whose mom was very negative and she would call him and say kind of mean things to him. She’d say, “John, you’re not a very good son.” Now, what can you say to that? Maybe that would hurt you, maybe it wouldn’t. 

But in any event, he would typically respond with, “Well, Mom, you know I am. I do this and I do this.” And her response was, “Well, no, you don’t. You don’t do this and you don’t do this” and, you know, it would escalate and get out of control, hurt feelings, you know, the whole story.

Once John learned verbal judo, the whole dynamics in communicating with his mom changed. Here’s how the new conversation went. She’d call and she’s say, “John, you’re not a very good son.” His response was, “Well, Mom, from your perspective, that’s probably true.” Now, what can you say to that? 

John actually took that negative energy and turned it back and moved into what we call agreement. Now, I’m going to define agreement here in just a second. But he actually said “from your perspective, that’s probably true.” 

Now here’s what we’re advocating in verbal judo. Agreement in the context of verbal judo is acknowledging the truth of the other person. This is one of the greatest tips in diplomatic communication is knowing that someone’s truth, to them, is very real, whether it’s correct or not. 

That’s so important to know. Now, we also know that everybody’s truths are reality. And we also know that not everybody’s truths are correct. Yet, our own truths are real to us. And in breaking down a resistance and opening communication, the best thing we can do is acknowledge the truth of the other person.

So I want to encourage you to practice verbal judo. If you have someone in your life that you have a lot of resistive conversations around, let me encourage you to script out some verbal judo responses and begin to use them in turning around that energy in how you communicate in that relationship. Good luck in practicing verbal judo.

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